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The Worst Date of My Entire Life

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As a young millennial lady, you have a lot of experiences. You have a lot of experiences, involving other parties…such as douche-y millennial guys. And if you’re me, you have a lot of experiences (aka terrible dates) involving entitled guys (lots of med students!), and some pretty hilarious stories because of these experiences.

However, one story that my friends will never stop laughing at is the time I went on a date with this guy named Travis.

To be fully honest, it wasn’t a date. The two of us had previously gone on dates, which had all not ended well. Travis was cocky, arrogant, and rude–and he could not believe that I didn’t want to keep going on dates with him! Being a nice young lady and all, I said that the two of us could be PLATONIC FRIENDS, but now in retrospect being friends with him seems like an absolutely terrible idea. At that moment though, I had decided that although he was cocky and completely insufferable on dates, maybe he would be a decent friend to have.

I had decided that before a big fundraiser that Monday, it would be best to hang out with Travis at least once, to make sure that there were good vibes between us–or more importantly, platonic vibes. The College of Medicine for my University was holding an event for a very prominent charity, a very casual event, but an event nonetheless. An event that would prove to be the perfect opportunity for me to network, and to meet new people.

“Are you just going to this event to meet guys?” Travis said, as we walked past Water Tower Place. I needed to go shopping and Travis came with me, it was a casual kind of errand day. I threw on my dark wash skinny jeans, and a chic striped sweater earlier that day, and paired with my matching Nikes. I pulled my hair into a high pony, mostly because I wasn’t feeling like doing my hair that day. It was a nice, casual vibe, which was definitely what I needed to enforce.

I was feeling like bumming it, and quite honestly, if I had put even an ounce of effort in, he would have gotten the wrong idea…and I really needed him to be aware that we were platonic friends!

“No, that’s a minor, minor priority. I’m ninety nine percent going to network and meet med students, and the other one percent is me going to flirt with cute guys.” The wind blew, as I looked at the iconic Water Tower, for a brief second. I wasn’t going to lie, if I met someone interesting at the event, I wasn’t going to turn down the opportunity!

“I don’t think you and some of the guys would get along,” Travis said, quite saltily. He had said it quite abruptly, and to be quite honest, quite rudely. It made me think for a brief second that Travis was trying to exert his “claim” on me, although he definitely had no claim on me! I’m a human being, not an object. 

That’s one thing that will never cease to annoy me, how guys seem to act like they’re entitled, and obligated to a girl, just because they’re interested in them. That’s definitely not how life, or relationships work!

“That’s fine, I can still talk to them if I want,” I said, sassily.

“Why didn’t you want to go on another date with me? I just want to know what went wrong,” he said, as I found my hand curling into a fist. We were just having a nice time hanging out, as friends, and I had absolutely no idea why he had to bring this up.

“Dude, it’s just like I told you before, I just didn’t like you. I just wasn’t attracted to you, and I just wasn’t that into you,” I said. We continued to walk, when he decided to ask me another question.

“Did you ever talk about me with your friends?”

“No, I never mentioned you, and I never gave you a name or anything.” I turned to see him looking at me, completely offended and shocked.

“What? You weren’t that important.” It was harsh, but it was the truth. I wasn’t going to lie, in order to protect his fragile male ego.

“I didn’t even get a name? Did Romney get a mention? Jason?”

I nodded. After all, I had gone on multiple dates with Romney, who was also a med student, and my friends all thought that Jason was cute!

“What?” He acted so shocked, and so surprised, as if I had told him that I was a serial murderer or something!


“I don’t know why you think you’re so special Travis, I didn’t like you, I wasn’t attracted to you, and I wasn’t into it.”

“But why weren’t you attracted to me?”

Was he going to ask this on my whole walk to City Target?

“I told you,” I said, annoyed, “I just didn’t like you.”

“I know, but I just want to know why.”

For the entire walk to Target, from Water Tower Place to City Target, this kid non-stop asked me why I didn’t like him. For whatever reason, he could not seem to fathom why I didn’t like him, it seemed like an inconceivable thought. It really, really bothered me because I just wanted to run errands and to be left alone at that point. Not to mention, no meant no, and I felt uncomfortable constantly having to tell him that I wanted him to back off.

He should have been mature enough to understand it once the first time, and to be able to leave me alone after that.

“I JUST DON’T LIKE YOU, I’M NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU AND IT HAPPENS, OKAY?!” I yelled, as pedestrians looked at me, and Travis blinked. Everyone stared at me, as if was the crazy one. Did they not see this guy following me and borderline harassing me?

“I know but-“

“I just wasn’t attracted to you, okay? I just didn’t like you like that. Stop asking me, and get over it. People aren’t attracted to some people, people don’t like some people. It’s part of life.”

He was quiet for a second, and I knew that he was trying to craft the perfect response (and to be honest, the perfect response would have been leaving me alone).

“I guess I’m just salty because out of all the girls that I’ve tried to bang, I didn’t get you.”

Was he kidding me?

“Okay, and you’re never going to get me. I’m flattered, but you had no chance of banging me then, and you have no chance of banging me now. It’s never going to happen.”

“I’m just petty, I guess, because I usually get-“

Cue the entitlement, the cockieness, and the terrible attitude that he deserved anything and everything he wanted.

“I don’t care,” I said, adamantly interrupting him. “Nothing’s happening, we’re platonic friends and you need to get the fuck over it.”

“I just don’t understand,” he said, for the millionth time that night. I turned to face him, and my face was obviously extremely annoyed. My left hand was still curled in a fist, as I resisted the urge to slap him with my right hand.

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Don’t throat punch him, Chrissey. Going to jail is not worth it, for this asshole.

“I TOLD YOU, I just didn’t like you! I wasn’t attracted to you, AND it’s never going to happen. If you try anything, I will throat punch you.”

“Yeah, but how could you like Romney and not me?”

“Because Romney was intelligent, funny, and charming, and I was just attracted to him, AND I WASN’T ATTRACTED TO YOU.”

“I just don’t understand, Chrissey.”

I contemplated pushing him off that bridge for a moment, and then took a deep breath. “DUDE, I just am not attracted to you, it happens.”

You guys, you don’t understand how extremely cocky and extremely annoying this kid is–I mean, can you blame me for not being remotely attracted to him? –

“But Jason too?”

“I AM ATTRACTED TO HIM, I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU.”

We finally arrived to Target, and I wish I could report that he finally stopped asking me, and went home. But no, he continued to ask me, followed me around the store, and then added a sprinkling of insults to bring me down.

  • “Chrissey, I didn’t even really like you, I just wanted to bang you.”
  • “Chrissey, I just was physically attracted to you, that’s it.”
  • “I am just surprised that you didn’t want to bang me too.”
  • “I can’t believe you dated Romney and not me.”
  • “I can’t believe that you dated Romney.”
  • “You were attractive enough.”
  • “You weren’t that hot.”
  • “On the binary scale, you would be a 1, you would be enough.”
  • “I don’t really care that you didn’t like me, I actually was relieved.”
  • “I thought at the time that you liked me too much.”
  • “You seemed like you were moving fast”
  • “I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND”
  • and the list goes on and on and on

And to all of those, I said the same thing, “I just didn’t like you and wasn’t attracted to you, it happens. Not everyone is attracted to you and not everyone is going to like you.”

“I don’t really care Chrissey, I’m over it. I just am petty bec-”

 

“OKAY,” I said, interrupting him. We were finally headed home, and this walk to the pink line had been the longest. “JUST STOP TALKING ABOUT IT. I didn’t like you, I wasn’t attracted to you, now we’re platonic friends.”

Travis stared at me blankly.

“It’s just that you’re a little inconsiderate, that’s all.”

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WAS HE KIDDING ME.

And in that moment, after hours of having him nonstop ask me why I didn’t want to date him, for making me feel like I was obligated to bang him and be attracted to him, and of of being blamed for not liking him, I finally couldn’t take it anymore. I super-saiyan throat punched Travis in the throat, and he flew against the wall.

Then the cops arrested him for harassing me.

Just kidding.

(I wish).

What really happened was that I felt the anger fume inside of me, the anger that I had been holding in since Travis opened his stupid man-child gremlin mouth. I took a deep breath, and then responded.

“How am I inconsiderate?”

Can we take a moment to laugh at the irony here? He was following me and non-stop asking me why I would not date him… he was the one that would not leave me alone and followed me TWENTY BLOCKS. 

“It’s just you’re saying that other guys are attractive and stuff, and that’s inappropriate and inconsiderate.”

“EXCUSE ME?”

“It’s just inappropriate, considering the circumstances.”

And as we stood there, me fuming from anger at the Pink Line stop, all these people watched me yell at Travis (who FINALLY got a f-g name on my blog for being the most annoying piece of s-t I have ever met in my life).

“SERIOUSLY? YOU’RE GOING TO CALL ME INCONSIDERATE FOR THAT?”

“Yeah, maybe I’m not used to independent women or whatever, but you just have no filter.”

“OKAY, FIRST OF ALL. You’re just salty because I didn’t like you, and I wasn’t attracted to you. SO WHAT? We’re supposed to be PLATONIC FRIENDS NOW. You need to get over it and stop being so petty, because you have no chance of banging me now, and you didn’t have a chance back then. SECOND OF ALL, WE WENT ON LIKE TWO DATES, A MONTH AGO. It’s not even that big of a f-g deal, it’s not like we almost got married or anything, WE WENT ON TWO DATES. OKAY, AND IT’S NOT LIKE I’M BEING INCONSIDERATE OR INAPPROPRIATE. I HAVE A F-G FILTER, it’s not like I’m being sexist, racist, or inappropriate- because guess what? I THINK GUYS ARE HOT. RAFAEL IS F-G HOT. I’m a human– and I’m allowed to say guys are hot. People say that people are hot. My other guy friends say that girls are hot, I say that guys are hot. No one gives a f-k. I DON’T KNOW WHY YOU GIVE A F-K. You talked about girls, I talked about guys. Because you can say girls are hot, and I won’t give a flying f-k- and you shouldn’t give a f-k- BECAUSE GUESS WHAT? WE AREN’T DATING, WE DIDN’T HAVE FEELINGS FOR EACH OTHER BECAUSE FOR THE F-G MILLIONTH TIME I DIDN’T F-G LIKE YOU AND I WASN’T F-G ATTRACTED TO YOU, SO GET OVER IT. I’m not inappropriate OR inconsiderate, you’re just being f-g petty because you want to have sex with me and you can’t.”

I did not care at that point, I was just extremely tired of this stupid kid, and his annoying ass gremlin man-child face. He was so extremely cocky and douchey that for whatever reason, he couldn’t understand, even though I said it a million times, that I just wasn’t attracted to him. WHAT THE F-K?

But that wasn’t the end, it never was when you wanted it to be.

As Travis and I sat on the train, I knew he wanted to ask me the not-so-golden question, once more.

We sat, as I texted a friend on my phone.

“Are you telling everyone that I’m an asshole?” He said, smiling with a cheeky grin.

I looked back him, annoyed, and irritated. “No, you’re not that special, stop thinking you’re that special.”

“I’m sorry, Chrissey, I shouldn’t have said that, it was uncalled for.”

UM, YOU MEAN YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE SAID ANYTHING THAT YOU SAID TODAY?

Once we hit our stop, I turned to him, and said, “Don’t try to walk me home or anything.” If this was a normal guy, I would have just said good bye, but who knew what Travis’ whack ass was going to pull out next?

“Why would you even say that?”

“Because I’ve been trying to reinforce that we are platonic friends, and you don’t seem to get it. BYE.”

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10 Comments

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  6. Reblogged this on THE UNABRIDGED SASS and commented:

    I would just like to take a moment to share with you all, once again, the infamous story of the worst date I have ever been on. The time a guy followed me twenty blocks…

    Like

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