Why I Bother


Okay, there is something that I am fully aware of, and will admit to, regardless of how embarrassing it might seem.

I go on the worst dates.

I really do.

No, I really do.

And a lot of the times, it’s easy, to think, “Why bother?” It’s even easier to give up when you think about how limited the dating prospects are, how the game has completely changed from previous years and you’re stuck with an impersonal, confusing, and manipulative way of trying to form of meeting someone and living happily ever after.

Applications, social media, millennial “dating rules,” and new forms of communication and ideas have seemingly made things “easier,” but in my world, it has made things much, much, much more complicated. Instead of trying to be a real, genuine person, people sell an idea. They sell an idea of what they think a girl will want. And yeah, it might work for the first few dates, or well, the first few minutes, but that’s not really getting to know someone. People are under the impression that you have to sell a brand, and that this brand will be key to finding you someone.

I mean, look at Tinder–the idea is literally to sell yourself quickly and successfully, so that some girl will find you appealing, and give you a chance. There are numerous articles and guides out there to catering the perfect Tinder profile in order to attract someone. And because everything, quite honestly, is so impersonal, it sells impersonal relationships. It sells casual fun, it sells casual drinks, it sells this short-term, quick, and fast connection and experience that many people find much more convenient than falling in love and potentially getting your heart broken.

And even though I completely admonished love, I really didn’t. I didn’t say that there was anything wrong with being in love, and having someone that loves and support you. There is nothing wrong with that. What I do have a problem with is being so reliant on someone that you give up part of yourself, that you sacrifice everything for someone. That is an unhealthy relationship.

But I believe in soulmates, I believe in romance, and I believe in happily ever after. I might not be a huge fan of really, really big, grand gestures and really cheesy things, but I don’t want someone that’ll be around for the winter. I don’t want a person that’ll be like, “deuces, this was fun,” a week after the one year mark. I want something real, genuine, and unforgettable.

And trust me, it’s easy to think,”why bother?” when you want something real and a lot of people want something breezy. I’ve had people laugh at this choice, because I am “so young,” but I still hold the same view–why would I waste my time? Why would I go crazy on the appetizers when I’m waiting for the meal?

Motivation is easy to lose, but in this case, it’s something that isn’t hard for me to lose. Because I know exactly what I’m looking for, and I know what I genuinely want. Sure, it’s tough–sometimes you meet really cool people, and you aren’t looking for the same thing. And it’s easy to get frustrated, and it’s easy to cave in. But with each terrible date, each difficult breakup, and each confusing person you leave behind, you are one step closer to meeting the individual that will make all of this worth it.

It’s definitely easier to say than to experience, but there is always something better out there, and things seem so much more difficult until you actually do it. Leaving is hard, until you actually do it–and then it’s the easiest thing in the entire world. You’ll later wonder why you ever stayed or wasted all of that time.

My second year of college, I was stood up by this guy, and really, really upset about it. My best friend at the time, just gave me a hug, looked at me, and said, “Don’t be upset, because you know in your heart that he was not your destiny.”

She told me this belief about a red string that connects two people together. Regardless of race, time, place, circumstance…anything. These two individuals are destined to be together, and although the string might be tangled, stretch far apart, it will never, ever break. The two will always be connected, regardless of everything.

And there’s someone out there for everyone, and things get tough sometimes–but they don’t call it one in a million for nothing. Something phenomenal, amazing, spectacular…it isn’t easy to find, and it’s one of a kind.

I believe in soulmates, I believe in being emotionally connected, and I believe in true love.

And this is why I bother, and this is why I keep trying.


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