Your Failed Relationship Does Not Define You


I feel for Angelina Jolie–not because I’m sad for her break up, but because I’m sad for the bullshit that she’s going to have to endure for a while.

Once upon a time, there was a girl and a boy. They were apparently tons of people’s favorite couple, and everyone thought that they would live happily ever after, get married, and ride off into the sunset. Their break up was so tremendously shocking that when the girl texted her friends at 2 am, no one showed up because they thought she was kidding. So, she basically was miserable until one of her friends realized, “Holy f–k, they really broke up.”

That girl was me.

When you first break up with someone that you considered “the love of your life,” you think for a moment that things will be fine, and that the universe will let your poor heart recover from the thrashing that it has gone through. But it doesn’t, because people can really suck.

Maybe this is different, because you’re a guy, but this is how it goes, when you’re a woman.

Spoiler alert: people do not leave you alone.

People act like you are incomplete without your significant other, as if you were not a whole person before you met them. They act as if you are forever incomplete, until you meet another man or person to complete you.

People pity the fact that you are alone, they act like you must be completely miserable without someone by your side, and give you the worst look in the entire world, that just breaks right through you. A look that says, “You lonely ass human, you’re so pathetic.”

People will compare how you are doing to your ex, they will make things a competition and compare the two of you, and make you feel like you are losing, when it is not a game.

People will spread rumors, be nasty, and act like they know every single detail of your tragic break-up, when in reality, only two people know the complete and whole truth. Their rudeness will make you question ifΒ youΒ remembered things correctly.

People will comment and criticize every single thing you do, and compare every single thing you do to what the other person is doing. You get shit if you’re happy, and you get shit if you’re sad.

People will constantly give you unsolicited advice, which you never asked for nor wanted in a trillion billion years. They will judge you regardless, if you listen to them or not.

People will constantly mention what your ex is up to, especially if you don’t ask. They will tell you how great your ex is doing, and they will tell you all the wonderful things they’ve accomplished.

And people basically, bottom lime, will be the worst.

And no one deserves this nonsense.

Your failed relationship does not define you, and your break-up does not define you. What defines you is how you choose to handle each and every situation handed to you–not just break-ups, but every situation.

Break-ups stink, and outlookers can be the worst, but you just have to keep remembering that you don’t do things for anyone else, but you do them for yourself. It was one of the hardest things for me to realize, but it’s the biggest thing.

Angelina Jolie’s most important accomplishment was not marrying Brad Pitt. She is not a sad, devastated, incomplete, and lonely woman, and their break-up does not give anyone the right to compare her to this man for the rest of her life. Her failed marriage does not define her.Β The fact that this relationship didn’t work out, does not mean that she is any less of a bad ass, or a failure.

It’s one of those crazy things people need to realize, where relationships aren’t a game, accomplishments, and there’s no winner or loser. The fact that you are incompatible with another human being is just a normal, although tragic thing, that we all must learn to acknowledge, and stop hating on people for.

Maybe it’s pointed, because I still get reminders to this day as to what my ex has been up to (which is another reason why my ex listing his accomplishments seemed even more stupid to me), but just because you spent part of your life with someone, does not mean that you are incomplete without them. It does not mean that you need to be competing with them for the rest of your life. It does not mean that your failed relationship defines who you are, or that it follows you for the rest of your life. It means that you were incompatible, and that is it.

And that it’s rude to ask me if I think I’m winning my break-up while I’m standing in line at Starbucks.


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