(My two dream men, Donald Glover and Jack Falahee…I think Chrissey Gambino, Chrissey Glover, or Chrissey Falahee have a nice ring to it)
***I feel like I should preface that this post is all in good humor, and that I am not actually serious.
The Director of The Unabridged Sass is currently looking for a blogger boyfriend, the ideal candidate would be at least 5’10 in height (taller than the director in her highest heels), well educated (four year degree is required), and handsome enough to get appreciation from her colleagues, but not that any other organizations would want to “poach” the candidate to fulfill a role elsewhere.
Additionally, the ideal candidate would have a phenomenal sense of humor, a fond appreciation and respect for Childish Gambino, and the ability to make The Director of The Unabridged Sass laugh at a moment’s notice. The ability to multitask, handle high-pressure situations, and work phenomenally as a team is required.
DUTIES AND RESPONSIBILITIES:
- Taking pictures of The Director’s outfits, hair, and ridiculous poses whenever her “outfit looks cute,” “makeup looks on point,” or any other situation arises.
- Listening to The Director pitch her terrible, confusing, potentially controversial content ideas during spontaneous moments.
- Watching Netflix, and the movie Clueless, possibly hundreds of times.
- Holding The Director’s purse at any moment needed, and having the utmost patience at CTA turnstiles when she is fishing through her Mary Poppins bag for her Ventra card.
- Taking out the garbage.
- Managing the database of the individuals that are on The Director’s “shit list,” the information is privy to change at any moment, and confidential.
- Planning dates that are enjoyable, pleasant, and fun.
- Any other tasks and duties as assigned.
The Blogger Boyfriend is an integral part of The Unabridged Sass team. The ideal candidate will have an interest in The Unabridged Sass, and be committed to providing accurate and timely recognition of awesomeness. He must have exceptional attention to detail and organizational skills. This person will also be prepared to think critically about each topic presented, ask questions when necessary, and actively help create and implement processes to standardize and streamline blog content.
OTHER NECESSARY SKILLS INCLUDE:
Ability to interact with and maintain a pleasant, professional attitude toward The Director’s friends. Ability to juggle multiple tasks and work accurately despite interruptions. Ability to work independently and as part of a team. Excellent computer skills, including proficiency in Microsoft Office, Excel and Outlook. Strong written and verbal communications skills. Knowledge of Childish Gambino a plus.
Any interested candidates should email their resume, cover letter, and references to firstname.lastname@example.org