I once dated this guy (let’s call him Bernie in this situation) who had a coworker, who had some strange problem with me. She would always cry to Bernie, claiming that I was mean to her and that I was antagonizing her.
Literally, the only times I saw her was when I was going to visit Bernie and said “hello” to her. It always bothered me, to this day, because every time she saw me, she would consistently victimize herself, and villainize me, and Bernie never stood up for me or asked her what her problem was.
I genuinely and solemnly swear that I was always nice to this girl and rarely talked to her for more than two minutes. It wasn’t until I met Bernie’s sister, who I was also PHENOMENALLY nice to, and he told me that his sister thought I was mean. Knowing that I am not a perfect person, I wanted to know exactly why she thought I was a mean girl. Because really, I was never nothing but nice to her! I even got her a birthday gift without meeting her!
And do you know what freaking Bernie said? BERNIE SAID THAT SHE SAID I JUST LOOKED MEAN.
(My mom told me never to say things unless they’re nice, so I won’t comment further on Bernie’s sister).
In that moment, I connected the two together.
“Bernie, do these girls not like me because they think I look mean?”
“Yeah, pretty much. I know you don’t have a problem with either.”
“Just because I had the typical cartoon villainess look of dark hair, dark eyebrows, and big cat-like eyes didn’t mean that I myself was malicious in any manner.”
I’m not going to go into detail about how Bernie refused to defend me in either of those situations (that is a whole other story), but it bothered me that both these women thought that it was acceptable to not only judge another woman based on her appearance, but also to villainize her. I did nothing wrong to either of them, I didn’t give them dirty looks, just because I had the typical cartoon villainess look of dark hair, dark eyebrows, and big cat-like eyes didn’t mean that I myself was malicious in any manner.
Everyone’s favorite villainess!
I’m twenty one years old, I can admit that I’ve had my moments when I’ve been petty, immature, or a little selfish–but I’ve never been outwardly mean. I get it, I might have “resting bitch face,” but I’ve always thought that term to be f-ing garbage.
Men have the exact same indifferent look, 99% of the time, and no one villainizes them or calls them mean or bitchy!
Why are women expected to be constantly smiling and happy? And why exactly does every villainess have dark and and dark eyebrows? OKAY, I’m pretty sure Betty is just as bad, if not worse than Veronica. And I’m pretty sure that there are plenty of blonde villainesses!
I’m pretty sure it would be 1000x weirder if I was ALWAYS smiling and super perky and chirpy!
REGARDLESS, my point is this. Just because I look like a cartoon villainess does not mean that I’m a mean girl, and shouldn’t we all just stop judging everyone based on appearances? It’s hard enough being a woman, without other women trying to bring each other down. So can we stop with the whole “she looks mean” garbage, and the whole “Resting Bitch Face” nonsense?
I’ve had friends that have told me that I intimidated them when they first met me, or that they have female friends that are intimidated by me… it’s something that always makes me laugh a little, but it’s honestly disappointing. It’s disappointing that you cannot be a strong, independent woman without other females out there calling you a “bitch” or intimidating. It’s a shame that we’ve equalized being a strong woman with being a “bitch.” And that other women judge others, as if it wasn’t hard enough being a woman in such a sexist society. Just because I know what I want, and am independent and strong does not mean you can villainize me for your own personal narrative.
It happens, and I’ve become indifferent at this point (after freaking out the first few points), as I’ve learned that those who judge and villainize others are individuals you do not need in your life.