What I’m Looking For, Exactly

This was one of the very first posts that I ever published on The Unabridged Sass. And I know that it is considered a no-no to republish content, but this post was made when I had no followers, no comments, and no views. And to this day, it has still remained one of my favorite, and realest pieces of writing. So, I decided to republish this post, with an all-new introduction. Because although I at an entirely different point of my life than when I first wrote this piece of writing, it still brings butterflies in my stomach and makes me smile.

I originally wrote this post when Bernie and I first broke up, years ago. I just kept turning down guys, and refusing to go on more dates…and I was just frustrated. It was upsetting. Because I didn’t want to go on lukewarm dates, I didn’t want to waste my time with (perfectly nice but) average and boring guys. I didn’t want to spend any more time, wishing that I could be with someone who made my heart beat faster and evoked that fire within. I simply just wanted to be with that person.

And as you all know…I have found (and let go) of fire that I found with another person. And I’ve moved forward, and am now living my life. And although now, looking back, and laughing a little about how finding fire was sooooo important to me, it’s a little funny. Fire is important, but it definitely is not the only important thing. You need a whole lot of other things.

But you do need chemistry.



Whenever I tell people that I went on a date, only to realize that I didn’t feel something, they always roll at their eyes at me, as if it’s my fault and I’m just being some immensely picky asshole. But I’m not- and it’s not like the thing that these guys are missing is a trust fund or a Lambo  They aren’t missing something that they can go out and buy or change about themselves, they can’t wish for this something at 11:11 or pray at night for it- it’s something that’s just supposed to be there,  and when it’s there, you feel it. You just do.

You just know it’s there, you don’t need anyone else to tell you, you don’t need to double check. It’s not a maybe, it’s not a possibility that it could be there. It just is, because when you know it’s there, you feel it, whether you want to or not. And if you have to question if it’s there- that’s because it’s not.

And that something is the force between you and another person.There’s so many words for it- fire, chemistry, sparks, magic, and we each have a different name for it, and we each feel it in different ways. But what’s the same for each and every person, is that when you’re with someone, and you feel that fire, it’s completely and utterly undeniable.

You feel it when you’re with them, and you feel it even more when you’re apart. It’s this force between the two of you that keeps your universe perfectly balanced. And this fire, it affects you in ways you don’t even know. They’re constantly on your mind, your heart beats faster when you’re around them, you get a special kind of nervous excited for dates, and when they smile, the entire universe pauses for a brief second. You have this shared magic between the two of you, that just makes you the happiest person in the entire universe, these sparks will make you run around with your heart beating faster, smiling like a complete idiot because you’ve found some amazing person that makes you feel this way.

And when you find that someone with fire, they’re the most spectacular person in the goddamn world. All you want to do is make them smile, and make them laugh. You want to make them happy, and be on their mind- even half the amount that they’re on yours. You want to go on adventures and do anything and everything with them. You want to stay up all night talking about everything under the sun, you want to dance under the moonlight with them, and sail off into the sunset. They make even the most mundane tasks fun, and make you think and feel things that you’ve never imagined. This person, that you have fire/sparks/magic/that special something with, they’re not going to be easy to find, as it is called one in a million for a reason.

You won’t feel fire with most of the people you go on dates with, and that’s okay. If it was easy to find this special someone, then no one would be single! Once again, it’s called one in a million…for a reason. You’re not going to meet them easily, hell, the universe will probably drop this person in your lap spontaneously and unexpectedly (that might even be one of the best parts).

You just get magically lucky one day, and you won’t realize how lucky you were, until you’re sitting next to them, looking at them, and thinking to yourself, how you’re the luckiest person in the entire world for finding them, out of the sea of people walking around on this planet.

You’ll never be able to forget the ones you do have fire with, even if their fire for you might have been completely extinguished. It happens sometimes- the sparks and the magic fade away. It’s especially terrible when they’re still with one person, and they’ve disappeared in thin air for another. But in these cases, you can’t make mistakes or try to recreate the past, because then you’re just going to end up getting burned. And trust me, it really hurts.

Chemistry, magic, fire, sparks, it’s the most important thing that people should be looking for, and to be completely honest, it’s the hardest thing to find. But that’s what I’m looking for, it’s why I won’t settle, and why I remind myself what I deserve. You deserve magic, you deserve fireworks, you deserve butterflies in your stomach, and someone by your side who makes you feel like the most unstoppable human on the planet.

So don’t ever forget what you’re looking for, even if people roll their eyes at you. I always remind myself that this is exactly what I’m looking for, and what I deserve.




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