Live, Think
Comments 52

On Failing Postgraduate Life (Life Update)


If you had asked me three years ago what I had wanted to have when I graduated college, I would have told you that I wanted a career, a partner, and a rad apartment. And now, three years later, I have absolutely none of those things. And even though everyone has continued to tell me that things are going to be fine, and that I’m completely going to be okay, I still one hundred percent feel like I have failed myself.

Two weeks ago, I said that I had four weeks until my lease ended. In those four weeks, I was supposed to find a job, find an apartment, and sail off into the sunset wherever my career took me. Now, after two weeks have passed, with only two weeks left in my lease, I have nothing. I have nothing except disdain, frustration, and stress from this whole situation. Postgraduate life sucks, and I have gotten sick and lost a ton of weight from this whole thing.

Not to mention that I have taken a personal hit, as I have never been this disappointed or upset with myself in my entire life. It makes me question everything that I have ever accomplished or done, and it makes me question my character and myself. It makes me feel like I am none of the things that I believed that I was–independent, strong, determined, and passionate. But rather a failure and a disappointment.

It’s not about the boys or the apartment, but it’s about the job. The career that I cannot seem to find after weeks of searching. And I have finally reached my breaking point, where I just want to crawl into my bed and sob uncontrollably and drink wine out of the bottle.

And as my friends get engaged and continue their lives (I graduated early so they’re all still in school), I feel like I have hit this stagnant end to my life, although graduating college was supposed to be the very beginning of it.

I fully admit that I did not anticipate any of this. I anticipated finding a job instantly and moving to wherever my career took me, and leaving any Chicago boys in the dust.

And it frustrates me further because I feel like everything in my life has taken a hit because of all of this. The blog, my personal health, I am always in a bad mood and I feel like my content is dwindling and I’m not putting in 100% like I used to. And I’m so incredibly sorry for that.

And now that I have allowed myself to be upset and to vent about this and to stress out, tomorrow is another day. And tomorrow I will go back to being a wonderful blogger, like I was before this all happened. And tomorrow I will keep sending out resumes and living. I will put in my two weeks notice, and I will keep moving forward.

Things have been hard, and this is a tough transition. But I have always been a firm believer that the universe does not give you anything that you cannot handle. And one day, this will all be a thing of the past.

Regular blog posts will continue tomorrow.

I’ve fondly missed all of you.

Chrissey

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52 Comments

  1. It’s all fine Chrissey. Enjoy what you have now. Someday very soon you’re going to get a job. It’s going to carry you wherever and it’s going to pin you down. The job will make you very busy. You might meet colleagues who’ll break you down with their bad attitude. Then you’ll look back to today –the days you were free. You’ll look back to today and miss when you had all time to sleep and write because you had no job to think of.

    Then you’ll miss today when you had no boss to get on your nerves and no colleagues to break you down. I’ve learnt to revel in all life’s situation. I’ve learned to enjoy every moment of life because things change quickly and what we thought would bring us joy rather kills us.

    When you were in school, you thought life would be good after college right? This is the after college you were dreaming of. Now you’re thinking if you had a job life would be better right? Maybe you should stop time traveling and find what is it at this moment can bring you joy.

    There’s always something to love, no matter what. Even the sunshine feels great when it creeps into your room in the morning and say hi. Love who you’re now. There’s no future. There’s only NOW.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thank you Nesta, those are such wise words and you are such a phenomenal wordsmith. I had never looked at things like that, and now I feel like I have a fresh new perspective to things, thanks to you. Thank you so much for the wise words and for taking the time to write your perspective. It definitely helped me made me feel much better! Have a wonderful day, and thank you, once again!

      Liked by 1 person

      • You’re welcome Chrissey. I’m very happy that my words could help. And I’m most glad of your appreciation and kind words too.

        Let’s rock life….it’s ours, after all 😁😁

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I promise that this is the norm, and that you will find something soon! When I came home from my Masters, I applied for 83 jobs (in August and early September). I went back to working retail and kept trying- all the while sinking further and further. I got an email about an interview on Halloween (over two months after applying), had an interview a few weeks later… and then nothing. And then in mid-December, I was finally offered the job. It may have taken me over four months to get there, but it was something! And depending on your field, it can take longer.

    Unfortunately the baby boomers have left us a job market that is a minefield and there is nothing we can do about it. You are literally doing everything you possibly can! Our generation is trying to navigate this unknown path with no info and I think we are doing a pretty good job considering everything. Also, December is a bit of a write off month for hiring :/ I suspect that January and February will bring more movement again!!

    Liked by 2 people

      • Yesssss!! So much this. That was my exact problem. I had gone from undergraduate to postgraduate straightaway, so when I graduated I had a masters from a very prestigious uni, but no work experience. I was continually told that I was overqualified for jobs requiring only a bachelors, yet underqualified for jobs requiring a masters.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I plan on getting a master’s or phd (someday), but it’s kind of strange in the field of scientific research and development…every job i’ve interviewed for or talked about they always tell me that a master’s will only get me $1-2 more per hour….WHAAAAT. After putting in 2 years work to get a master’s? Crazy.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I went in for an interview for a Scientist position in pharmaceutical research and development and they told me a master’s would only increase salary by $1…. yeah no.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Jessica, you always come in clutch with such wonderful advice. I’m definitely now believing that this is the norm…and even though it is considered the new normal, it still is such a frustrating and aggravating process! Especially in December…when it seems that nobody is hiring or even remotely interested in hiring! I definitely felt like I wasn’t doing enough and that I was failing miserably until I saw your comment. I swear, you’re like my reference guide on adulting and blogging! Thank you so much for all of your help and input…and sharing your story! It is always wonderful to hear from you!

      Like

      • I’m glad I can help!!! I honestly thought I had some sort of career related plague until I saw it happening more and more often. And it sounds dumb, but some companies are just ridiculously slow with hiring. Private companies are often ahead of the game on hiring so if someone doesn’t start for two months, it’s not the end of their world. (Nevermind that we are left hanging in the wind to wonder if we imagined applying for the job…) I think being open and honest like you are is the best way to deal- it’s a fact of life now for us and so many of us go through it. 2017 will be your year, yo- I have a really good feeling!! 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      • I feel like these companies have all decided to ignore me all December lol… and thank you so much! I’m hoping that 2017 will be an amazing year for both of us!

        Like

  3. Oh Chrissey, I just want to give you a great big hug!!! And some hot chocolate, because it’s probably freezing in Chicago right now and hot chocolate makes everything better. 🙂

    Girl, I totally, totally, *totally* relate. From day 1 of college I was anticipating graduating into this fabulous life of a career, a man, worldwide travelling. And while I did eventually get all of that (in the opposite order, actually lol), there were so many times I was dead broke and completely out of luck with job hunting.

    As scary as life gets sometimes, keep your voice strong because I can tell you are going places! Something actually made me think of your blog the other day, and I thought to myself how I feel like your blog will really continue taking off! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • I will gladly accept a hug and hot chocolate! Chicago somehow always finds a way to stay freezing, even though all the snow has melted!

      Thank you so much for the encouraging words and for taking the time to comment! I definitely am laughing now, retrospectively at how easy I thought everything would be after graduation…. it definitely is not that easy in the “real world!”

      Thank you so much for thinking of me and the blog! Blogging has been such an amazing solace during all of this distress and crazieness. It’s always great to hear from you, I actually have been meaning to ask you for some bright fuchsia lipstick reccomendations!

      Liked by 1 person

      • You are so welcome!! My fave fuchsia lipstick is the color Schiap from NARS. The color stays strong and vibrant, and I find that I don’t need a lip pencil with it — edges go on smooth. The only bad thing I have to say about it is that it tends to dry my lips out if I wear it daily. This may just be my skin’s reaction to it, though.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I love Nars lipsticks but I find that they dry my lips out as well! I love the UD formulas though, I have two from them and Anarchy is my favorite fuchsia from them! It’s $17–which isn’t too bad for a really quality lipstick. It’s never dried out my lips.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Reegan Innes says

    I honestly just started my blog because of the mass amount of unhappiness I feel in my life post-graduating. There’s so much hype that comes with it that you forget that not everything can be viewed through rose colored glasses. Wishing you all the best as you continue your journey!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Post graduation is a tough time! I especially resonate with what you said because there’s so much portrayed by the media and society that is so, so wrong. I think the universe doesn’t hand us anything we can’t handle, and you are handling it! Best of luck to you too, and good luck!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I can 100% relate to this post. Keep moving forward…it’s what I keep telling myself too. Some days are easier than others. Take care of yourself and I hope something will come along for you soon!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; This happened and when things get complicated and It’s not what you was expecting for. “‘There is when the best of you’ come to Live, Remember Always Get things Done inmediately Don’t Let thing wait for tomorrow, You already will have more thing to do for the next DAY. And Becouse you are sharing you story’ You are awesome !

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I can’t honestly say I understand everything you’re going through, but I can understand being disappointed with where you find yourself. Keep your head up, nothing good comes easy and, at the risk of sounding cliche, the darkest hour is only 60 minutes. Relax and give yourself time, until then, the best you can do is carry on and keep trying. From this post alone you seem like an amazing and passionate person, I hope you find your dream job and make a perfect life for yourself!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much Kylie, for commenting and for the kind words! I am a firm believer that the universe doesn’t hand you anything you cannot handle, and I am standing strong! Have a wonderful weekend, and thanks again for your support and wonderful advice!

      Like

  8. I think we all go through ebbs and flows and feel exactly the same way you’re feeling at some point in our lives. Seems to me like you’re young, energetic, and passionate. I bet the universe is just lining up and preparing you for whatever is your destiny. Just remember that above all else, never give up on the things that you love. Find what makes you happy and keep doing it, then whatever happens in your life, at least you’ll have one good thing to focus on. It only takes one good thing in your life to give you perspective and strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Stay strong. Chin up.

    Like

    • Hi Raine,
      Thank you so much for these words! I screenshotted your comment as a reminder that good things are going to happen, and to focus on the good things! I genuinely appreciate these words, and the fact that you took the time to type this out for me. Thanks again, if I haven’t said it enough! Have a wonderful week!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Raine,
      I have gotten a lot of comments on this blog (and I love and appreciate them all) but I’ve never forgotten your comment on this post and how badly I needed those words at the time. I screenshotted the comment and still have it saved with me, to this day. I’m definitely figuring out my place in this world and have actually decided to further my education by getting a graduate degree, but I want to just say thank you for those kind words and tell you how much they meant.

      Chrissey

      Like

      • I am humbled Chrissey, and dare I say a touch bit proud of you for your desire to keep moving forward. Congrats on deciding to pursue additional education. This is a big step, I’m sure you’ll slam it out of the park. Glad I could be a help to you in some way and I’m always happy to do so if you need any more encouragement. Cheers, Raine.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I just tried to follow your blog and hopefully it worked! I’ll be following along on your journey!

        It definitely was a big step and decision but I’m glad I made it. I looked at my passions and evaluated how I would try to fit and play my part in the world. Once again, thank you for the kind words and all of your help! I know who to find if I need some motivation and encouraging words! Have a wonderful rest of your day.

        Like

  9. Awe I feel for you! I hope things are progressing well in life now just keep up the search and good will come! I for one know it’s tough to keep going when what you had in mind and wanted so bad doesn’t turn out to be what currently is, in a way I am going through that too with my career life. It’s a lot of stress but take it day by day and keep being positive, I know that sounds easier said than done but beating yourself up will make it worse.

    Take care

    Like

  10. I’m new to wordpress and have just stumbled across this post – all I can say is thank you. Your words echo loudly and show me I am not alone in feeling a little lost! Keep posting and keep smiling 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Jess! Thanks for stopping by and commenting! I think it’s easy to get lost in what we think life should be like and where we think we should be… and where we actually should be. It’s normal to feel lost sometimes, and often times when we think we’re lost, we are actually just heading in the right direction and don’t know it yet! Good luck with your blog and have a wonderful day!

      Liked by 1 person

  11. I think as humans we are our own worst critics. And we judge ourselves the most harshly. But you know, maybe take a step back and think – well, even if you haven’t achieved what you wanted to achieve by this time, you’re still on the path to it! I wish you all the very very best 🙂

    Like

  12. Nancy's Blog: Thisrealworldblog says

    I kept feeling the same way when I first graduated too. I’m one of those people that HAS to have a plan ready before something ends, just like your lease and having to find another place to live. And even now that I have a full-time job I still feel a little lost because of those friends getting married or having children. It’s just a crazy transition right now for both of us! Heck for any graduating student!

    Like

  13. Pingback: Great Read! – The Unemployed College Graduate's Guide to "Adulting"

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