I have a confession to make. All this week, I’ve been having terrifying PTSD-like nightmares. I haven’t been able to sleep, and I have been feeling a little bit bummed. It happens sometimes, that’s just part of life. And then last night (or more so this morning), I woke up screaming and shaking at about 2:30 in the morning.
And today, I feel a little bit broken and a little bit disappointed. Which is why I’m writing this blog post, and there isn’t a typical post. For my own privacy I won’t divulge what’s been going on in my nightmares, it’s just a lot of remembrance of a few traumatic things that have happened. And maybe, honestly, it’s the fear of what the inauguration represents for our society (in relevance to the issues regarding women and events I have been dreaming of).
The day after the election, I told all of you,
“I think in situations of strife and difficulty there are many ways that we can react–you can choose to sit back and be afraid, to be upset and emotional, or you can respond with strength, resilience, and courage. Be the change that you wish to see in our nation, be loving and kind, understanding and positive. This is how we move forward, and this is how we don’t let this knock us down.”
But I’m going to be honest. As a feminist, young, ethnic (we can all pretend that isn’t a relevant factor, but unfortunately it is) independent woman with a highly diverse group of loved ones, I’m not happy regarding the inauguration. I think it represents a poor decision on part of society, and it represents a lot that most people don’t understand.
Many people consider the negative reactions of others to be dramatic or excessive, but the fact of the matter is most people do not understand the struggle and the strife that so many others have gone through. No one understands the racism or discrimination that I’ve fought against, the sexism and mansplaining, the mistreatment or sexual harassment I’ve endured as a young woman. And I will never fully understand (as much as I want to) the struggles of other individuals.
I could keep on talking, but I’ll get off my soapbox.
So be sensitive, as this whole ordeal may mean a lot more to a person than you can imagine.
And right now, I’m more upset than I anticipated. Maybe it’s a combination of my post-graduate obstacles and my stress, along with this whole ordeal. All I know is that it’s okay to feel broken sometimes, and that it isn’t always necessary to feel strong.
Today, I feel broken. But tomorrow I rebuild, just like the rest of you.
I’m wishing you all strength, through these turbulent times. I appreciate and adore each and every one of you!