Today, I’m Broken

I have a confession to make. All this week, I’ve been having terrifying PTSD-like nightmares. I haven’t been able to sleep, and I have been feeling a little bit bummed. It happens sometimes, that’s just part of life. And then last night (or more so this morning), I woke up screaming and shaking at about 2:30 in the morning.

And today, I feel a little bit broken and a little bit disappointed. Which is why I’m writing this blog post, and there isn’t a typical post. For my own privacy I won’t divulge what’s been going on in my nightmares, it’s just a lot of remembrance of a few traumatic things that have happened. And maybe, honestly, it’s the fear of what the inauguration represents for our society (in relevance to the issues regarding women and events I have been dreaming of).

The day after the election, I told all of you,

“I think in situations of strife and difficulty there are many ways that we can reactโ€“you can choose to sit back and be afraid, to be upset and emotional, or you can respond with strength, resilience, and courage. Be the change that you wish to see in our nation, be loving and kind, understanding and positive. This is how we move forward, and this is how we donโ€™t let this knock us down.”

But I’m going to be honest. As a feminist, young, ethnic (we can all pretend that isn’t a relevant factor, but unfortunately it is) independent woman with a highly diverse group of loved ones, I’m not happy regarding the inauguration. I think it represents a poor decision on part of society, and it represents a lot that most people don’t understand.

Many people consider the negative reactions of others to be dramatic or excessive, but the fact of the matter is most people do not understand the struggle and the strife that so many others have gone through. No one understands the racism or discrimination that I’ve fought against, the sexism and mansplaining, the mistreatment or sexual harassment I’ve endured as a young woman. And I will never fully understand (as much as I want to) the struggles of other individuals.

I could keep on talking, but I’ll get off my soapbox.

So be sensitive, as this whole ordeal may mean a lot more to a person than you can imagine.

And right now, I’m more upset than I anticipated. Maybe it’s a combination of my post-graduate obstacles and my stress, along with this whole ordeal. All I know is that it’s okay to feel broken sometimes, and that it isn’t always necessary to feel strong.

Today, I feel broken. But tomorrow I rebuild, just like the rest of you.

I’m wishing you all strength, through these turbulent times. I appreciate and adore each and every one of you!




9 thoughts on “Today, I’m Broken

  1. Thanks for writing this post. My co-workers believe in very, very different things than I do. They have been watching the Inauguration with the volume at full blast. I thought about asking them to turn it down/off but I am not sure how my request would come out because I am both deeply sad and deeply angry.

    Are you planning on participating in your local Women’s March on Washington tomorrow? I’m going to my local march and I am looking forward to being surrounded by a group of people that believe in the things I do: strength in diversity, equality and acceptance for all, and most importantly, respect for all. Right now, I need to see the people who are striving for good by putting up a fight.

    Be well!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading! It’s definitely something important we have to address, even though it’s so hard for others to understand. I’m hoping the best for you, and unfortunately I was sick today but I sent a bunch of people in my place to the march in Chicago! How did your local march go? It’s always best to stand for what we believe in, especially during times like these. Thanks again.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh Chrissey, thank you so much for sharing this beautifully written post. I wish I could give you a hug and take away all of the nightmares and such. Today is a very somber day. I still honestly cannot believe it is real.

    Love from Nashville,
    Charlotte xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading! It’s been a bit of a struggle and it’s overall such a sad day, but it’s okay–I think that there are only brighter days ahead and more opportunities to move forward and be strong! Thanks for commenting, you’re the sweetest!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh sweet girl, I’m so so sorry you are dealing with this. Breaks my heart ๐Ÿ˜ฆ I will be praying that these nightmares stop soon… and that the stresses calm for you a bit. I send BIG hugs your way, love! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and what’s going on with us- I know it’s not easy โค

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Mack! It’s been a crazy week, but I’m blessed that i have loved ones and friends to share their kind words, and to spend time with! Thank you for your kind words, and for thinking of me! Have a wonderful weekend!!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Awww of course dear. I’m so glad you are surrounded by such amazing people- that makes all the difference in the world! Plus you have the best food in Chicago, sooo that should help too right? ๐Ÿ˜‰ Hope the rest of your weekend was wonderful, and all the craziness of the past week is left in the past. XOXOX

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Have a great week, you and DJ! I look forward to reading about what you’ve been up to!

        Liked by 1 person

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