When I started this blog I made a promise to myself, and a promise to you all that I would always be honest. That belief has allowed me to be completely candid and true with all of you. I have shared plenty of anecdotes and some have been very personal. But I keep penning these essays because you all find them to be relatable, and something you can all genuinely connect with.
And if you can learn from my experiences, then that makes me more than happy to share them with you.
Months and months ago, I met someone that I instantly had a connection with. From the moment I met him, I instantly thought to myself, “I’m going to be in trouble.” It’s a complicated feeling to explain, it’s like the anticipation of an adventure you know is coming, a gut feeling telling you that something good is going to happen. Whether you’re ready for it or not.
The chemistry was electric and the sparks were mystical. Everything with him was always an adventure, and he had always been spontaneous and fun. He always kept me guessing and he believed that I was wildly independent, crazy spontaneous, and a trip. I had never met anyone who shared my same sense of curiosity and adventure, or another individual who had wanted to change the world as much as I did.
I admired his fearlessness but at the same time it scared me. And this is the part that gets morally questionable. I fell in love with someone’s boyfriend, and I think a little bit of him fell in love with me.
The mutual feelings that we had for each other were obvious to everyone around us, strangers believed that we were wildly in love with each other and our friends could detect the blossoming romance without any effort. We were love interests that weren’t allowed to be in love with each other.
If this was a movie then perhaps we would have ended up with each other, but this is reality. There’s no dreamy Instagram filters or rose colored lens. In the real world, things are crystal clear. Whether you want them to be or not.
The reality is, he was a shady dude. No matter how romantic or charming everyone thought this whole situation was, the fact of the matter stared me straight in the eyes. He was a cheater, and he didn’t pick me. He didn’t pick her either. He was a selfish asshole and he picked himself.
And this story isn’t to drag this random dude, and it’s not to place blame. Throughout this whole situation I found myself trying to convince myself that this whole “forbidden romance” garbage was kinda sweet. But in reality, I had lost sense of what I deserved. And what I deserved was to have someone be so crazy about me that they politely dissolved their relationship to be with me, not a fake friendship looming with obvious emotional attraction that was clear emotional cheating.
In the pursuit of success and achievement, we tell ourselves we must always try our hardest and work our hardest. And I genuinely think that as a result, this transfers over to relationships. We keep trying and we keep working for things with people who don’t deserve us because we try prove our worthiness and we try prove that we deserve happiness. But the fact of the matter is, you don’t need to work this hard and you don’t need to try to prove anything. You deserve the best and you deserve love without conditions and without the craziness.
I think as a society we romanticize relationships that are honestly, disasters. We romanticize relationships that are struggles, emotionally tumultuous and complicated. I think people seem to be under the false belief that you really have to work at it and overcome obstacles.
But the crazy thing is this–I don’t want a relationship that’s crazy insane. I want someone who is going to be my partner in my life and be by my side–not a sparring partner who is going to fight and work against me. I want someone who is sweet, intelligent, and funny (among other things). Someone remembers the little things about me and wants to go on adventures. Someone who is easy to be around and even easier to talk to.
I want a relationship that is good, honest, and built on a firm and genuine foundation. Not one that is built on conditions, complications, or nuances. Because even though we might be told otherwise, the best relationships are the ones that are pure and simple. Not the ones that are loaded with conflict and obstacles.
(PS, yes I am fine! This happened forever ago and I wanted to reflect on an important lesson I learned in relationships and life. Please don’t ever settle–you deserve the best!)
What characteristic do you want in an ideal partner?