There’s this boy that I have feelings for. I thought that he had feelings for me (and he certainly acts like it!), but he told me that he has feelings for another girl. And then another. I keep trying to move on but he keeps flirting with me and acting like he’s interested in me. He offers to buy food for me, he’s constantly snapchatting me, hugging me from behind, texting me all the time, complementing me and telling me that I look pretty, and showing up at my dorm to hang out with me. It makes it hard to move forward? How do I handle this? A friend told me that his interests come and go very quickly so it’s not all that impossible for me to be one of those interests and since he’s not very confident in himself the second someone shows disinterest, he gives up. But since he’s still trying to find himself/not ready to really be in a college relationship, to be careful. What do I do?
Boys suck, please help
First, before I fully answer this dilemma you have at hand, can I just say that I’m so excited that you’re the first person to *officially* ask me for my advice via the blog? This is pretty exciting, but I have to put in a disclaimer, to for my own protection.
The advice offered in this blog post is intended for informational purposes only. Use of this post not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional, psychological or medical help, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified specialist. The opinions or views expressed in this post are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor are they meant to replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from a licensed professional, physician or mental health professional. This post, its author, the blog and platform are not responsible for the outcome or results of following any advice in any given situation. You, and only you, are completely responsible for your actions.
That was incredibly long, and I promise that the next time I write an advice post that I will have a shorter disclaimer and not google one off the internet.
Anyways, let’s get started.
I am notorious for taking on a no-nonsense, boss-ass bitch approach to relationships and dating. I’m not the type of girl to consistently fall back into someone’s manipulations or confusion, because I honestly like being in control and having the upper advantage. That’s just how I am as a person when it comes to a lot of things, and I find that wasting your time on a confusing or complicated situation honestly is more disadvantageous, although you might find this guy to be worth it. But spoiler alert–he isn’t.
This guy is either incredibly stupid, or he’s pulling the wool over you and the world’s biggest fboy. I get that he might be a little bit self conscious or not that confident, but from what you have told me it seems like you’ve spent a lot of time together and that he’s had plenty of time to express how he feels about you! And from the way he’s acting towards you, it definitely might seem like he’s romantically interested in you. Guys don’t offer to buy food for girls they don’t care about (to some extent), and he’s awkwardly initiated some physical contact. He has tried to visit you and talk to you, and I give him credit for talking to you and making the effort.
But he also told you that he likes another girl…. like what the actual f?
Here’s a few harsh realities for you.
If he really liked that girl he wouldn’t be flirting up a storm with you while he was talking to you. He would be one of those awkward guys that brushes you off, but still remains your pal. He clearly is trying to have his cake and eat it to, because he clearly can’t commit to only liking one of you! You guys aren’t cupcakes or candies, you’re actual damn women. And should be treated like it.
And as someone who’s kind of been in your situation (*cough* the guy who had feelings for me even though he had a girlfriend *cough*), I understand that you might say “but what if he’s just not ready to acknowledge his feelings for me?”
And to that I say this–he’s had plenty of opportunities to hang out with you and ample time to see what your vibe is. And if he isn’t a smitten kitten at this point, and is telling you that he likes other girls, then he’s a lost cause. I’m not saying that this doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like you… it means that he doesn’t like you enough. You deserve someone that wants you, and only you.
And you also deserve someone that isn’t confused as hell. It seems like he’s got some serious logistical issues that he needs to figure out before he can be with anyone, especially you! He can’t constantly feel defeated all the damn time and hop from one chick to another, because that’s not how you handle mature relationships. And I know I’m not one to talk, because I emotionally procrastinate all the time, but he’s clearly not ready to be with anyone. And as much as that sucks, you gotta move forward.
I feel like your first instinct is going to want to look out for him and make sure he’s okay, and it’s not your responsibility. I honestly would just avoid him after being jerked around and having to deal with his confused self, but that’s just me and I handle things differently. Clearly you care about him as a friend, but he definitely needs to to pull himself together. And honestly, it seems like he’s trying to procrastinate it by distracting himself with pretty girls. I think you need your space, and he needs it too… even if he can’t see that right now. Plus, you won’t be able to move forward with his confused ass constantly coming around.
It sucks, but you gotta do it.
You see, the thing I’ve learned about relationships and love is that it doesn’t, and shouldn’t be complicated. You shouldn’t have to be speculating or kept guessing, but there should be real and honest communication. You shouldn’t be confused and stressed just because he does not have his shit together. In a good relationship, there is no BUT. There is no, we both really like each other BUT he’s not ready, or we really like each other BUT he’s so busy all the time.
And I understand that you might really like someone, and you don’t want to give things up, but the fact of the matter is this guy is far from ideal and as sweet or nice he might seem, he’s a mess. And you deserve someone who’s ready to be with you, and ready to acknowledge his feelings for you. He’ll like you so much that it’s undeniable that he likes you.
And he won’t claim he likes another girl! TF. I think the fact that he claims to like someone else but keeps flirting with you is incredibly selfish, along with the fact that he can “multitask” feelings for another person while clearly flirting with you is problematic.
I think it’s clear that you need to drop him and start moving forward. He’s a little kid and clearly needs to figure himself out, because you don’t deserve to be confused and constantly guessing just because he’s a damn mess. He might think he has good intentions, but he seems a little oblivious and selfish, and you deserve better than that.
And I repeat–it’s not your responsibility to be there for him or to help him figure things out. You guys are in college and even though he acts like a kid, he’s an adult. You just need to focus on moving forward, and leaving him in the dust. You can be friends after you’re over him, but anything in the mean time is just procrastinating you moving on and him getting his shit together.
And ps, I have a strong feeling that after you’ve moved on he’ll be back. You just have to be strong, even though it’s incredibly hard. Have a good support system to get you through this, and remember that there are better people out there. Meet one of them.
I hope this advice helped you out. It might be incredibly blunt and straightforward, but I have to be honest! I’ve been there before, and it really sucks. You just gotta keep on moving. You can do this.
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