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I Forgot That Valentine’s Day Existed

existed

I was going to wait to post this, but it’s been on my mind and I just couldn’t stop thinking about it.

When I was younger, I was a total romantic. I wanted to fall in love and live in a fairy tale. I thought that mushy gushy cheesy romantic things were cute, and I was absolutely obsessed with Valentine’s Day, like countdown level obsessed. I believed that each and every Valentine’s Day there would be some sort of miraculous grand gesture that was going to occur.

But now, I’m much older and I’m the type of girl that hates the cheesy mushy stuff… and thinks that grand gestures are far-fetched. I hate good morning texts and I hate stupid pet names. I’m pretty much Robin Scherbatsky, when it comes to relationships. I think that’s a pretty accurate description.

Funnily enough, I used to be the girl that never shut up about her boyfriend. But at that time, there was nothing else exciting going on in my life, and I honestly needed him to feel fulfilled. Which is sad. Like, really sad.

My freshman year of college, I celebrated Galentine’s with my best friend at the time. We made baked pasta and bought cupcakes from Target, and binge watched Bob’s Burgers. My “boyfriend” at the time was working that night… but it turns out that he went to a party and ditched me.

My sophomore year of college was the first time I ever had a Valentine, but I was also mushy gushy super embarrassingly into my boyfriend at the time. He made the reservations super late, so we got stuck with the crappiest table in the entire restaurant. But I loved it, and it was the sweetest gesture in my eyes.

My junior year? It was spent being single AF, pretty bummed, and honestly…heartbroken. Ashley and I sat in her apartment and ate Doritos while we sang old school throwback songs (like Beautiful Soul by Jesse McCartney!). This one, by far is my favorite one.

Anyways, I’ve been busy recently. Visiting my grandmother and taking care of her, taking a brief break from postgraduate job applying and stressing out, relaxing a bit…and more importantly, watching this blog blossom. January, by far was the biggest month for my blog in its existence. I’ve been inspired, excited and honestly, fulfilled.

The thing is, my phone has been popping…but not from texts from guys, but something even better. Notifications of comments, like, questions, or tweets and snap chats. When my phone goes off, it’s usually something blog-related, or one of my friends. And let me just tell you, that feeling is infinitely better than any man trying to text or Snapchat you.

And I didn’t even remember that Valentine’s Day was a thing, let alone that it was coming in like three days, until I remembered my mother’s birthday was the day before..

And as I chuckled at the thought of me completely forgetting a holiday that was so significant to me, one where I would consistently hope for romantic comedy level magic, I remembered a quote by Mindy Kaling.

“It’s funny, I used to freak out about being single much more in my twenties. I’ve noticed that the more professional success I have, or the more happy I am professionally, the less I worry about that because I have a great deal of professional confidence. I’ve noticed whenever I’ve felt the most boy crazy or when I wanted to get married it was when I was not so happy professionally. I have this thing and it’ll happen like five times a year on a Sunday night, the feeling like, Oh, a family would be great. Not even being in a relationship — but a family because I’m 35. I think what snaps me out of it is just the fact that I love being by myself. I think that if I was in the wrong relationship, which I have been in several, that would be so much worse than the feeling of autonomy I feel right now.”

—Mindy Kaling, BuzzFeed, March 2015

And the thing is, she’s so right.

I’ve been having this strange gut feeling that this is my time. Not necessarily for my site, but for me. For personal growth and for my destiny. As cliche or lame as it may sounds, I have faith that I’m going to find an amazing career and that I’m going to be able to keep blogging and pursuing my passions. And it’s not that I want to be single forever, or that I hate guys.

It’s that right now, I just want to live my life, and to focus on myself. And the thing is, people look at being single and misinterpret it as being alone and having nobody. But that isn’t the case at all! I have you guys, and I have all of my absolutely amazing friends. I have Julio and Ashley, Lolo and Stephon, Adonis and Jojo, and all of the other amazing people in my life. And this is a decision that I stand by, and one I’m not ashamed of.

I see a lot of my friends settling down with loved ones, and I am more than happy for them. But each and every person’s path is different, and right now, I feel like I’m perfectly more than capable of doing things on my own.

And even though I used to wish for romantic comedy gestures every Valentine’s Day, I definitely am not, ever again. There’s so many better things out there you can wish for. Like good health or to be continually inspired.

I think that every Valentine’s Day I used to wish for love, and want to celebrate romantic love. But this year, I’m celebrating self-love. I’ve been through a bunch of different experiences that shaped who I am as a person, and I’m amazed to see the person that I’ve become. I’ve become incredibly determined, wildly independent, and changed significantly from the little hopeless romantic I was before. But even more importantly than that, I’m celebrating the love I have for my friends and family, who are the most absolutely amazing people on this planet.

So, I’m going to watch The Mindy Project, and eat Cheetos with cream cheese. It actually sounds pretty perfect right about now. And yeah, someday there’ll be someone special with me. But not today. Today, I choose to focus on myself and to put myself first.

What are your Valentine’s Day plans?

Chrissey

INSTAGRAM | PINTEREST | TWITTER |

 

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19 Comments

  1. This is really sweet! I really love hearing about how the whole meaning and expectations behind V-Day have evolved for you over the years. I honestly have mixed feelings about things like V-Day. On the one hand, I am definitely looking forward to surprising my husband with a gift (I’m having it delivered when he’s home working that day!) and a nice card, and I am also definitely looking forward to whatever sweet surprise he has in store for me. So on the one hand, I do really love those romantic gestures like sentimental Hallmark cards and a home cooked dinner.

    But, on the other hand, one thing that increasingly irritates me the older I get is when people go over the top bragging on social media about their V-Day. Like I kind of hate it when people make like ten posts on Facebook about how they have the best husband/wife in the world. Like you know those people who basically rub it in everyone else’s faces by posting 50 photos and saying things like “My Valentine’s day is better than yours.” My husband gives me plenty of reasons to brag about him, but I hate doing it so publicly on social media, because I feel like it’s just tacky. Lol does that even make sense?

    PS – If you like Cheetos and cream cheese, try dipping Cheez-Its in cream cheese. My husband thinks it’s disgusting but it is SO good. Cream cheese is life yo.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think Valentine’s Day gestures that are small and sweet are adorable… I am not a fan of the over the top brag-worthy gesture that are so obviously staged. Or curated to be shown off. Like my ex’s older sister would always brag about her Valentine’s Day and that she and her boyfriend were “couple goals.” But I think the best couples are the ones that don’t need to brag, but rather show each other how special and meaningful they are to each other every day. In the little gestures and kind words. I think that matters a lot more than some big surprise one day a year… continual love and support 365 days a year is so much better! And that’s clearly what you and your husband have! I’m so excited to hear all about your VDAY and I hope it goes well! I’m sure you got him something special! And I’m sure he’s got you something sweet as well! And yeah. You definitely made sense!

      I haven’t tried Cheezits with cream cheese but I definitely will! I have tried them with French onion dip (1/2 packet mixed with Greek yogurt) and I love that combo! Lol, everyone always says my Cheetos and cream cheese habit is gross but I love it.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Exactly!!! You said it way better than I did, lol. Like, I love romantic gestures — I really am a pretty romantic person. BUT, when people feel the need to brag about their #relationshipgoals all over social media, that kinda makes me roll my eyes. Then again, I feel that way about people bragging about anything, not just relationships.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I relate to this so much! I’ve never been into that mushy stuff either. Plus, self-love is so important. It’s great knowing that you don’t need someone to complete your happiness.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think self love is incredibly important, and often times people substitute it for romantic love… but in that case you aren’t fulfilled! And I agree completely, being self-complete is a really great thing. Have a great Valentine’s Day, Paige! Have a great week as well!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Omg this was such a good post, I can honestly, 100% relate to what you are saying and honestly – it felt like I was reading a really good book while reading it – I think you would be a really good author haha!

    Liked by 1 person

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