I was going to wait to post this, but it’s been on my mind and I just couldn’t stop thinking about it.
When I was younger, I was a total romantic. I wanted to fall in love and live in a fairy tale. I thought that mushy gushy cheesy romantic things were cute, and I was absolutely obsessed with Valentine’s Day, like countdown level obsessed. I believed that each and every Valentine’s Day there would be some sort of miraculous grand gesture that was going to occur.
But now, I’m much older and I’m the type of girl that hates the cheesy mushy stuff… and thinks that grand gestures are far-fetched. I hate good morning texts and I hate stupid pet names. I’m pretty much Robin Scherbatsky, when it comes to relationships. I think that’s a pretty accurate description.
Funnily enough, I used to be the girl that never shut up about her boyfriend. But at that time, there was nothing else exciting going on in my life, and I honestly needed him to feel fulfilled. Which is sad. Like, really sad.
My freshman year of college, I celebrated Galentine’s with my best friend at the time. We made baked pasta and bought cupcakes from Target, and binge watched Bob’s Burgers. My “boyfriend” at the time was working that night… but it turns out that he went to a party and ditched me.
My sophomore year of college was the first time I ever had a Valentine, but I was also mushy gushy super embarrassingly into my boyfriend at the time. He made the reservations super late, so we got stuck with the crappiest table in the entire restaurant. But I loved it, and it was the sweetest gesture in my eyes.
My junior year? It was spent being single AF, pretty bummed, and honestly…heartbroken. Ashley and I sat in her apartment and ate Doritos while we sang old school throwback songs (like Beautiful Soul by Jesse McCartney!). This one, by far is my favorite one.
Anyways, I’ve been busy recently. Visiting my grandmother and taking care of her, taking a brief break from postgraduate job applying and stressing out, relaxing a bit…and more importantly, watching this blog blossom. January, by far was the biggest month for my blog in its existence. I’ve been inspired, excited and honestly, fulfilled.
The thing is, my phone has been popping…but not from texts from guys, but something even better. Notifications of comments, like, questions, or tweets and snap chats. When my phone goes off, it’s usually something blog-related, or one of my friends. And let me just tell you, that feeling is infinitely better than any man trying to text or Snapchat you.
And I didn’t even remember that Valentine’s Day was a thing, let alone that it was coming in like three days, until I remembered my mother’s birthday was the day before..
And as I chuckled at the thought of me completely forgetting a holiday that was so significant to me, one where I would consistently hope for romantic comedy level magic, I remembered a quote by Mindy Kaling.
“It’s funny, I used to freak out about being single much more in my twenties. I’ve noticed that the more professional success I have, or the more happy I am professionally, the less I worry about that because I have a great deal of professional confidence. I’ve noticed whenever I’ve felt the most boy crazy or when I wanted to get married it was when I was not so happy professionally. I have this thing and it’ll happen like five times a year on a Sunday night, the feeling like, Oh, a family would be great. Not even being in a relationship — but a family because I’m 35. I think what snaps me out of it is just the fact that I love being by myself. I think that if I was in the wrong relationship, which I have been in several, that would be so much worse than the feeling of autonomy I feel right now.”
—Mindy Kaling, BuzzFeed, March 2015
And the thing is, she’s so right.
I’ve been having this strange gut feeling that this is my time. Not necessarily for my site, but for me. For personal growth and for my destiny. As cliche or lame as it may sounds, I have faith that I’m going to find an amazing career and that I’m going to be able to keep blogging and pursuing my passions. And it’s not that I want to be single forever, or that I hate guys.
It’s that right now, I just want to live my life, and to focus on myself. And the thing is, people look at being single and misinterpret it as being alone and having nobody. But that isn’t the case at all! I have you guys, and I have all of my absolutely amazing friends. I have Julio and Ashley, Lolo and Stephon, Adonis and Jojo, and all of the other amazing people in my life. And this is a decision that I stand by, and one I’m not ashamed of.
I see a lot of my friends settling down with loved ones, and I am more than happy for them. But each and every person’s path is different, and right now, I feel like I’m perfectly more than capable of doing things on my own.
And even though I used to wish for romantic comedy gestures every Valentine’s Day, I definitely am not, ever again. There’s so many better things out there you can wish for. Like good health or to be continually inspired.
I think that every Valentine’s Day I used to wish for love, and want to celebrate romantic love. But this year, I’m celebrating self-love. I’ve been through a bunch of different experiences that shaped who I am as a person, and I’m amazed to see the person that I’ve become. I’ve become incredibly determined, wildly independent, and changed significantly from the little hopeless romantic I was before. But even more importantly than that, I’m celebrating the love I have for my friends and family, who are the most absolutely amazing people on this planet.
So, I’m going to watch The Mindy Project, and eat Cheetos with cream cheese. It actually sounds pretty perfect right about now. And yeah, someday there’ll be someone special with me. But not today. Today, I choose to focus on myself and to put myself first.
What are your Valentine’s Day plans?