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When You Want To Do It All

I wrote an emergency blog post to meet my personally-dictated deadline… and fuck, guys, was today stressful.

I filmed a long makeup tutorial that you guys will see on Thursday, but here is a sneak preview:

It consistently refused to upload after hours so I shot an emergency upload for tonight… and guess what?

That failed too.

You guys will find out “What’s In My Kate Spade Bag” Monday. Maybe Thursday. We’ll see.

And then, I hurried to type up a blog post in my adrenaline and stress-fueled frenzy and guess what… that failed too.

The entire blog post was deleted and disappeared into thin air. Only the photo and title of the post remained, taunting me about how imperfect I was. Canva failed, but it’s always shit so I didn’t even get too mad at that. But WordPress being a disaster? I didn’t even want to talk about that.
I’m not someone who queues posts ahead of time and I’m someone who is terrible when it comes to stress (especially since as I type this I now see that my images won’t upload…) so I’m honestly going to be real with you guys for a moment.

I don’t really know how to start this blog post…but I always find that the words come to me as I just start talking. It’s one of those weird phenomenons that I have learned not to question. Anyways, I have found this blog to be a solace in many times where I have been conflicted in my life. I blogged about my worries when I graduated from college, I blogged about being heartbroken, and I believe that I will continue to blog as things happen and as I experience life. But one thing that I have hesitated to blog about in detail is my career and what exactly I am doing.

I was watching Master of None, and I stumbled upon this scene where Aziz Ansari perfectly inserts a quote from Sylvia Plath.

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A quote like that is the exact kind of quote that makes you stop completely in your tracks to evaluate your life and what exactly you are doing. It makes you look at the choices that you have made and it makes you look at the future to see what it is exactly that you are chasing after.

I am someone who wants to do everything. I’m not going to lie–I’m one of those people that wants to do it all. I want to get my Master’s, I want to travel and go to foreign places, I want to blog about everything and anything, and of course, I want to fall in love and get married. But as I pursue one goal I feel like the others are slipping away or getting further and further away from me. I hate feeling like as I focus on one aspect of my life, that others are getting pushed to the backburner.

And as I watch all of my friends head in different directions, I cannot help but wonder if I’m going to truly be able to do it all. As one friend gives up the chance to travel to go to graduate school, or one decides to get married instead of taking a job in a new and exciting place, I look at my life and wonder if I am giving up something important in order to move forward in higher education.

And the truth is, as crazy as it sounds, I don’t feel like I’m sacrificing anything. I want to go to school so badly and I know that this is what feels perfectly right. I haven’t dated anyone in like six months (or even talked to a guy in a flirtatious way) and I made the choice to blog only 2x a week as I pursue my education, but every single one of those decisions doesn’t feel like a sacrifice. It doesn’t feel like I’m neglecting anything, but rather it is me making the pursuit of my education a priority. Because the undeniable truth is, these other things can wait for another day, but now is the time for me to continue my education. I can fall in love in a year or so from now, and I can travel someday…but going back to school is something that I am fully hoping to do this fall.

It’s definitely scary and it’s definitely a nerve-racking experience but it feels right. I don’t know what’s going to happen, as I sit here and hope for the best, but something in my heart tells me that everything is going to be perfectly okay.

So yes, I gave up the chance to be someone’s girlfriend and I gave up adventures that I could have had in Rome or France. I gave up continuing to work in development and being aimlessly twenty-something. But the prize of being a medical professional and continuing my education, that is priceless. And someday, I will be someone’s partner and I will travel and relax. But right now, certain things come first. And I think I can save those figs for later.

“Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.”

Helen Keller

Do you feel like you have sacrificed something to pursue something else? Have you ever “given up” on something to pursue another goal?

Chrissey

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13 Comments

  1. Thank you so much for this post! I love “Master of None” and reading that quote on paper was so much more powerful than in the show. It just resonated with me so much more. Sometimes it’s just impossible to have it all and we have to make sacrifices in order to find out what makes us truly happy. We can only hope we choose the right fig and if not, maybe we can find a prune along the way lol.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you for commenting! I was just watching the newest season and wanted to revisit some memorable scenes from season one. I agree completely with you–reading the authentic words from a page (or screen) is so much more powerful than the scene on the show (which is very good, don’t get me wrong!). And I agree with you–sometimes we truly do have to try to make the best decision and hope for the very best. Very wise words.

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  2. I love reading all your posts where you talk about how passionate you are about moving forward in your education and tackling your career goals! Your determination truly speaks to me and inspires me as well! I wish you the best in doing it all, especially if “doing it all” is really just accomplishing the goals that feel most important to you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for the kind words, your comment definitely brightened up my day! I’m glad that you enjoy the career posts! One thing I told myself I would always do in blogging is always be genuine and true to myself–I’m the type of person that’s so passionate about her goals, education and career! There’s tons of blogs that shy from that kind of topic but I’ve always wanted to keep it real. I’m glad that resonates with you! I’m sure that you will be able to take on any goals that you have wonderfully (you’re still working on your undergrad right?). Thanks again for the encouragement and the wonderful comment–best of luck in everything that YOU do too!

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  3. “Do you feel like you have sacrificed something to pursue something else? Have you ever “given up” on something to pursue another goal?”

    I definitely feel like I have given things up to pursue other things! Although that was never my intention – I always intended to somehow cram everything I want to do in my life, at the same time. I’ve been pursuing an education in Astrophysics for the past 4 years – from GCSE’s to trying to actually get into the first year of a Bachelor degree… I always thought I would work a job when I’d have the free time, so that I could be earning some money. I always thought I would save enough money, be organised enough and make enough time to be able to travel when I would have an opportunity to do so. In none of those 4 years have I had a job. I have been abroad in those 4 years – around 3 evenings in Rome after the second year, around 3 evenings in Paris sometime during the third year, around 3 evenings in Glasgow and around 10 evenings in Turkey after the third year and about 3 evenings in Berlin during the fourth year.

    I have sacrificed things by pursuing an education. You can’t always have your cake and eat it – and sometimes, you realise you don’t even WANT to have your cake and eat it! It is still a sacrifice regardless though, in my opinion. Sacrificing your ability to spend that time on other options. Gosh, my ultimate “sacrifices” have come from being in a committed relationship! Grief from not living with my partner lead to me dropping out of my Foundation Year at very decent University, which was in an area by the sea that I loved. My choices while pursuing an education from then on became extremely limited – the only institutes I could study at had to be within a couple of hours travel via public transport of my partner’s work – so that we could live in between the 2 locations and not have too long of a commute. I don’t even like the city where he works very much – at least not compared to the location my original University was at. The University I am headed to now is not prestigious at all, and is actually one of the worst for Physics and Astronomy in the country at the moment…

    It’s all cool though. These have been my choices, and I do not regret a damn thing. I CERTAINLY do not regret the choice to live with my partner. That was the best decision I ever made. And, I do know that many students work while studying, and then travel to exotic locations during the Summertime. It is all possible, it just takes some careful time management and discipline – 2 things I’m really not the best at! Maybe someday I’ll have my cake and eat it 😉 One thing I have NEVER done, is “given up” on something to pursue another goal. Okay, I left my old University, but my goal was never to necessarily stay at that University anyways. My education goal was simply to get a degree in Astrophysics in a University of my choosing. Although, I definitely do shift which specific goal I am focusing on every now and then.

    Sorry for long response! I love a good ramble.

    – Storm

    Liked by 2 people

    • Don’t ever apologize for a long response, I loved reading about your experience and the journey you’ve been on! Thank you for taking the time to write your comment! I think that there’s definitely give and take when it comes these sorts of things and it seems like you’ve managed to balance things well!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. You were my PM’s girlfriend when I lived in JST and I have been reading and following your blog for while now. I clicked on the link in your instagram one day out of curiosity. I think it’s awesome how motivated you are in what you do and how you’ve managed to accomplish a lot. Maybe you should’ve been the one guiding residents.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow that’s a throwback! Thank you so much for the kind words and for continuing to read my blog! And for writing this comment! Have a wonderful day!

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    • Hahaha what a coincidence! That’s so funny and thank you for checking out my blog! I’m sure he did his best to guide you all, but I appreciate the kind words!

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  5. Hey Chrissey! I’ve never read that Sylvia Plath quote, but I really liked it. I can definitely relate to that ‘stuck’ feeling she seems to be having when thinking of her future and all the possibilities! Just last year when I was deciding on going back to school (something I never wanted to do) and figuring things out I felt very stuck and lost. I also thought about marriage and when that would happen for me, but I just decided that marriage is something that is out of my control (because 2 ppl are involved in that decision) and that going to school and taking charge of my life is compleeetely in my control & very much possible even if it will take longer than I wanted it to. Plus, I think you already know this, but I believe in you and definitely think you can have it all!

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s definitely a really profound quote! It definitely makes you think. I think out of all the things I think about, I think about marriage the least for that exact reason. When the time is right, I’m sure there will be someone special that comes into my life but right now it’s overwhelmingly clear that school and my career come first! I’m glad you made the choice to go back to school (not just because I have a grad school buddy now!!) and I’m the same way about wanting to be in control. Hahaha thank you so much–I think YOU are gonna do great things and have it all!

      Liked by 1 person

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