The Bachelorette is my guilty pleasure. I have been obsessively watching on Monday nights since Emily Maynard was looking for the man of her dreams, and the father of her adorable daughter Ricki. What’s there not to love? The Bachelorette is the culmination of reality tv drama greatness, and America embraces the cliches and stereotypes that this show tosses our way.
I’ve lived through endless “most dramatic rose ceremonies” hosted by Chris Harrison and “MOST DRAMATIC EPISODE EVER”s, but by far Rachel Lindsay is my favorite Bachelorette. She’s intelligent, well-spoken, absolutely beautiful and takes nonsense from no one. When she was announced as The Bachelorette, I was so excited and was grateful that in an endless sea of pretty brunettes that we finally got a refreshing lead that was not only a woman of color, but someone with a great heart and personality.
That being said, after watching last night’s episode, I couldn’t help but think about everything that transpired and what I would do if I was in her situation. Now, I know that these episodes are hella pre-filmed and that she’s been engaged for a minute, but I definitely know who I would pick if I was Rachel. But before I get into that, let us analyze these three remaining men.
First things first, homeboy can’t even spell facade correctly. I think about this each and every time that I see his face on the screen. Rachel–why is he still around? I think everyone in America wonders why he’s still here, every week that he continues to stay. I mean, there’s someone like him every season that stays on way longer than anticipated, so it’s to be expected.
Now don’t get me wrong, Eric seems like a nice guy. He clearly likes Rachel, and despite the fact that he hasn’t dated someone in eight years, he told Rachel that he loves her (lol, I couldn’t help but giggle when she didn’t say it back), and asked Mama Lindsay to have Rachel’s hand in marriage (he was rejected). He is clearly not as emotionally mature as Rachel is and honestly, I am pretty sure he’s not ready for marriage. He seems like that starter boyfriend, that after some life experiences and relationships, will make a wonderful husband to someone. But clearly, Rachel isn’t going to be the girl to groom him.
She clearly has stronger chemistry with Peter and Bryan, and I think that if either of those two told her they loved her, she would have swooned.
Okay, I for one thought that Rachel would have seen through his bullshit instantaneously. Bryan reminds me of that guy in college that complements the hell out of you when you first meet like you’re the goddess of his life. But in reality, he flirts with literally every girl he meets and is “casually” dating five girls at once, but ghosts them when they ask what they are. I low-key thought he had a secret wife and kids back home in Miami, and that Demario’s ex was his.
He’s weird. He told Rachel’s family that she was his girlfriend after like two weeks, and he told Constance that he loved their family after knowing them for like an hour and a half. AND THEN he ran away when they saw through his transparent crap. Clearly, the only person that Bryan is fooling is Rachel Lindsay. I honestly think the matching watches, plus her hostile response to her family is showing us who is the real winner. I mean, she’s made it clear she wants to be engaged and the only other person offering her marriage is Eric.
But he’s gross and I don’t like him at all.
Okay, let me state the obvious: Peter is handsome and pretty much everyone wants them to end up together. He’s smart, funny, sassy as hell (as we saw last night when he made fun of Bryan’s fake cheeks and shaded him), and looks amazing in a suit. He and Rachel have clear chemistry and they both have gap teeth! It’s perfect- right?
Okay, listen. The honest truth is, I think that Peter is actually being completely logical about not wanting to propose at the end of the show. They have literally been living in a bubble for weeks and she’s been dating multiple guys at the same time. I honestly don’t blame him for wanting to wait to propose and to see if their relationship is just as phenomenal in the real world. You know, the place they’ll be spending the rest of their life together forever, and where other couples on The Bachelor/The Bachelorette break up after like six months?
To tell you the truth, if I was The Bachelorette, I wouldn’t want a proposal at the end of the show. But that’s just me, and I know Rachel is different and she wants to be engaged at the end of her journey. And I don’t blame her, no one wants to be the next Nick Viall!
I think she wants to pick Peter but the one thing stopping her from choosing him is that there’s no “commitment” (by her definition) without a proposal, and also that things for them seem so uncertain now that they fundamentally disagree. Sometimes, I even think that Rachel likes Peter more than he likes her, and that scares her. We’ve all been there before, and it really sucks.
Anyways, who would I pick if I was The Bachelorette?
Dean, in a heartbeat. He was falling in love in an appropriate time frame and not creepily early. He’s cute, funny, has fresh style (no one could tell that he only brought like three outfits). We both laugh at inappropriate moments and he’s too cute. Dean, if you’re reading this, @ me on Twitter. I still cannot believe she sent him home.
AND HE LOVES PUPPIES.
But seriously, if I were Rachel, I would pick Peter. They have the most real and genuine relationship and he’s actually completely honest with her. I would wait for an engagement, to have a long and enduring relationship than to have to spend the rest of my life with Bryan or Eric. I think it makes total sense to see what your relationship is like outside of The Bachelor bubble, because honestly, these relationships seldom last. The last thing you would want is to be engaged on national television only to break up months later.
“I think marriage is an institutionalized sham derived from religious beliefs. That said, when I get married, it’s a life-long commitment.”
Who would you pick for yourself if you were The Bachelorette? Who would you pick, if you were Rachel?